Hello dear readers,

Now that I’m sitting down to write this, I’m not sure where to start. Everything that’s been eddying in my mind all day seems to have drained away. 

I guess I can begin by saying that a sheet of rain just came out of nowhere, thundering against the roof. It’s only four, but already the sky is near-dark, that greyish blue of late autumn coming into the house. This is some of my favourite weather: dark and stormy. There’s a coziness to it that I miss deeply in summer’s brighter moments.

But I didn’t come on here to talk about the weather (even though I love talking about the weather). I came on here to say that I feel like, after pushing against myself for the past few months, there’s been some sort of breakthrough. To help you understand what this means, I’ll need to explain.

If you’ve been around for a while, you know I go through bouts of not wanting to be perceived, which is a weird place to be for someone who’s online in any capacity. Anyway—until last May, I filmed youtube videos pretty regularly, though due to certain circumstances and revelations, I hit a wall. I felt I couldn’t keep up with everything, and didn’t really know who I was, either. And honestly, making these videos was draining me. They take a lot of energy that I needed to direct elsewhere.

But as of today (despite day two of a migraine) I’m feeling a lot more settled, and a lot more capable. Small tasks no longer feel like a mountain. And so, I think I’m going to start making videos again. I never intended to quit forever, just like I never intended to post one every single week indefinitely. The way I create has always been fluid, and making videos is no exception.

I think, too, one thing that has kept me from making them in the past is the comments. Most people are exceedingly lovely (and I’m always blown away that people enjoyed watching me putter about my daily life) but some were downright rotten. But! Something that’s changed in me is understanding that those people aren’t the ones my videos are meant for. And I can ignore them! Their comments aren’t meant for me.

This isn’t really some grand announcement, or a promise to put everything I have into them. Your girl is tired, and I never want to make proclamations that are set in stone. I’m a human! Who doesn’t always want to be tied to doing a certain thing! And so think of this less as declaration and more like a little letter to you: there will be videos coming again soon. If you’d like to watch them, that would be nice. If not, that’s ok too.

As always, thank you for being here. Wishing you a wonderful rest of your week!

—Catherine

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