Hello dear readers,

I write to you from my kitchen desk, my new basil & pear candle¹ burning next to me. Today² was a blur of new things to learn, new people to meet; it was also a reminder of how much I loathe fluorescent lighting.

The fluorescent lighting was not my idea, though it is now my reality for the next two months. As of today, I am now a teacher at an alternative high school—in fact, it’s the same high school I graduated from fifteen years before. 

All those years ago, I never thought I would become a teacher. Really, I never thought I would become much of anything—I had such bad anxiety that leaving the house was a problem, to the point where I missed out on far too much of my life. 

It was my teachers at that school who inspired me to become a teacher myself, though the inspiration didn’t come until well after I’d graduated. And, much like I do with the rest of my life, I meandered toward teaching, trying on different lives in the meantime. 

Some people call this way of living frivolous; others call it unfocused, or careless³. But everything I’ve learned in my life has helped me be a better teacher. Not just in terms of academics, but in terms of social and mental health aspects, too.

I keep thinking about how perfect this job is for me: an alternative way of living and learning and doing. For context, the class I teach is self-paced, in that every student is working on their own courses at the same time. The word I heard most often today, from the wonderful teachers and educational assistants and youth care workers who checked in with me, was casual⁴.

And I’m a casual kind of person. I’ve never been too good with authority—either dealing with it myself, or being the authority—and so I can’t think of a better workplace for me. Students call teachers by their first names; they work at their own pace; they take breaks when they need to—all things that aren’t done in traditional schools, which has always rubbed me the wrong way⁵.

Like I said: I never thought I would be a teacher. And after I graduated from the teaching program and my temporary contract ended, I then quit teaching for five years. In fact, I did everything I could to not teach, for a variety of reasons⁶.

And yet, here we are. I sit in the same school I attended all those years ago, and I help kids who, like me, struggle to fit into the rigid design of traditional education. I’m thrilled to say I’ve become the kind of teacher I needed when I was in high school, and I can’t think of a better way to have come full circle.

Until next time.

—Catherine

FOOTNOTES

¹ From my mom, what she called a “congratulations on your first day at work” gift. I love her so much.

² I felt inspired to write this last Friday, a few hours after I’d recovered from my first teaching shift in five years. I’m glad that I’m still able to write when my brain has been mush all day.

³ I’m sure you can guess I don’t listen to those people! I’ve always tailored what I do to fit what I need, and I’m not about to stop doing that because of someone else’s opinion.

⁴ Casual, as in, there is very little structure, aside from students having their workbooks and completing them. But students move back and forth between my classroom and another of the same program, and decide what they want to work on when. They can also go to the art room across the hall if they like, though we also have set times in the art room, which, as an art therapist, I am very excited about.

⁵ While I know it’s important that students get their work done, I also think that mental health comes first. And they’re not going to be able to get their work done if they’re not rested and relaxed. So if they need a break halfway through the block, they get a break. Simple!

⁶ Maybe I will write about these reasons at some point; maybe I won’t. They’re rather depressing!

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