We see it everywhere now, the idealized quiet life: slow mornings drinking coffee on the deck; lazy afternoons lying in the grass, or swimming languidly in a lake; whole weekends dedicated to reading, or writing, or painting until we fall asleep.

What these versions of the quiet life are missing is just how we’re supposed to do this while still balancing work and a social life. As someone who values spending their free time intentionally, I’ve spent the last few years figuring out just how to make my days as quiet and peaceful as possible, doing the things that I want to do.

Not everything needs to happen at once

Before we dive into how to live a quiet life, something that’s helped me along the way is to understand that not everything needs to happen at once. In an idealized quiet life, a person’s days are spent solely on things they enjoy, but that’s not feasible for most people.

What I like to remind myself is that a quiet life can be lived in pockets: getting up just a bit earlier to have a slow morning drinking coffee and writing in my journal; spending an hour in the afternoon reading a book, my phone in the other room; taking time to bake a loaf of bread on a Saturday afternoon. 

And I know that I won’t be able to do everything I want all at the same time. For a personal example: I can’t write a novel and a poetry collection and a nonfiction book all at the same time; there needs to be space for the rest of our lives, too.

Decide what a quiet life means for you

Now that you’ve decided you want to live a quiet life, the next step is to determine exactly what that means to you. 

For some, a quiet life means less time spent with friends or family, and more time spent on your own. For others, a quiet life still involves time with others, but less time and energy spent on work. (For me, a quiet life is a combination of the two.) 

It could involve more time for reading, or for gardening, or for riding your bike. A quiet life is whatever you want it to be, so it’s important you check in with yourself and figure out exactly what it means for you—don’t rely on what you see online to decide for you.

Cut out what you don’t need

Once you’ve decided what living a quiet life means for you, it’s time to trim down the things that are getting in the way.

While most of us would love to cut the hours we spend at work—or get rid of them entirely—that’s not doable for most. That leaves us looking at other areas of our life, including time we spend with others and the things we do when we’re alone.

When I was restructuring my life, I took a look at what I was doing and realized that I was spending a lot of time with people I didn’t actually enjoy being around. This sounds harsh, but it’s true. Not everyone is going to mesh with us, and spending time with people we don’t actually want to spend time with—or on activities we don’t really want to be doing—only cuts into time we can spend on things we do want to be doing.

Say no more often

This brings us to our next point: saying no. For most people, saying yes and doing something they don’t want to do is easier than saying no and potentially upsetting the other person. But it’s important we practice saying no to the things that don’t serve us or that will take up time we’d rather spend on something else.

For example, I almost never say yes to one-on-one invitations to hang out when there’s no plan. If we’re going thrifting, or for a walk at the park, or to knit in a coffee shop, awesome! I’m in. But if it’s an open ended invitation with no general direction, I’m generally going to say no. This is a very personal example—and likely ties into my autism diagnosis—but the past has taught me that I don’t enjoy these sorts of interactions. And so I no longer do them!

Put your phone away

And now to the point that I always drive home: put your phone down! Not to be a senior citizen about it, but our phones—while wonderful pieces of technology in some ways—can be a huge time suck. Especially when it comes to scrolling social media.

Yes, social media is a great way to stay in touch with people, but I’m so against mindless scrolling at this point. It doesn’t do anything for us—it’s just a way for us to live vicariously through someone else (and often feel like we’re missing out in the process). Besides, time spent watching other people live their lives isn’t going to help us live our own. 

A little hint: when it comes to any sort of habit building, it’s good to have something to do in place of the habit you’re trying to quit. So, when I stopped scrolling on social media, I replaced that habit with reading instead (though you can switch in any habit that you’d rather be doing!).

Know that you have more time

The final point I want to touch on is that we have so much time. Like I said above, living a quiet life doesn’t have to be all or nothing—it can be lived in parts. We don’t need to quit our jobs and move to a cabin in the woods to live in a way that aligns with our values. We can do it right now, with the life we have—a life that has tons of time waiting to be used in a way that suits you. It just takes a little adjustment.

I hope this helps! I’d love to hear how you’re already living a quiet life, or what living a quiet life means to you.

Talk to you soon,

Catherine

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